Problems with sitting in the high chair
Reading the Gospel lesson for this morning, I was taken back to when I was about 10 and with my family, my aunt and uncle and cousins, and my grandparents. We were in Williamsburg, Virginia for a family gathering, and had come to a fancy restaurant for dinner. We were in a room with a long table with place settings, and at one end of the table was a large cobra wicker chair. It dominated the room and was the focal point of the table. As we were gathering, I sat down in it, and my grandfather came up to me and said that it was not my chair to sit in. He was going to sit there and I should pick another place. I was chagrined and embarrassed, and I never made that mistake again. I wait until I’m invited to sit down. My grandparents entertained a fair amount and knew all of the rules of etiquette and how to maneuver socially to be visible and near the center of the social circle. I wasn’t nearly as clued in or socially aware, and didn’t recognize the significance of the cobra chair in the dining room. I did the opposite of what Jesus says in the beginning of the scene in Luke’s Gospel, and I was disgraced, having fallen in the eyes of my family for assuming I should take the place of honor.
When Jesus talks about this assumption and disgrace, he is in a social situation where etiquette and social positioning are as important as the meal, and he uses that moment to address the social positioning that was going on. He sums up his advice about who should sit where with a familiar turning things upside down. In this case, he was contrasting those who exalt themselves with those who humbled themselves, an uncomfortable exposure of the unspoken social rules people around him were following. I’m sure that everyone there turned to look at him and fell silent, thinking, “Did he just say that out loud?” They were all thinking and acting in the moment, politely but firmly climbing over each other socially, trading in position and power. But Jesus was taking the long view, speaking about the coming of the kingdom of God with its divine rewards and his comments were aimed straight at that future. He was saying, in effect, that the people around him couldn’t continue with the social games and then straighten up at the last minute before the kingdom arrives. They had to abandon the games now and seek humility, which would exalt them in the kingdom to come, not in the life they were leading. Imagine what it would be like to not have to make the exhausting calculations needed to move up socially in a group or a dinner, or worrying about what others think of you. Imagine what it would be like to not fret over how to reciprocate a social lift from someone, and how much to give back to them without being insulting or over-eager. Imagine what it would be like to sit together as social equals, and instead of gaining the upper hand, we shared God’s love found in the kingdom.
Jesus wasn’t done exposing the social games being played, and goes further with what living in the kingdom would be like. He also illustrated what God’s love, or agapé, would look like at a dinner with friends and acquaintances. I had another experience related to what Jesus said about inviting the poor and the lame to dinner instead, and this time, I think I got it right. One day, I came across Matthew and Nina in downtown Louisville, a homeless couple who I had met before. Matthew asked if I could buy them a meal, and so we went into the Smashburger at the end of Fourth Street Live. I paid for Matthew’s meal, and then turned to Nina to see what she wanted. She was confused at first and said that she would eat what Matthew had. But, I gently insisted that I pay for her separate meal so that she would have enough to eat, too. There was no way she could ever pay me back, and I’m sure she was reluctant for that reason. Like with the several other homeless people who I bought meals for, I knew going into the restaurant that I wasn’t going to be repaid, I knew that I wasn’t going to win social Brownie Points, and I knew that I didn’t care. I was showing God’s love to them, love that has nothing to do with social standing, or etiquette, or winning… something. I was too busy showing them what Jesus meant about living in the kingdom even when we could argue that it is a long way off. When God’s love seeps into our social lives, it takes away the automatic expectation of social transactions (I do this for you because you did that for me) and it leaves us in a confused, uncertain position. Is it ok to accept a favor without obligation? This is what Nina felt, I think, and it exposed the unbalanced relationship that we had for those few minutes: she was dependent on resources I had to ease her hunger. For all of the rejection of social positioning and expression of agapic love, there’s still a problem with unbalanced power. Even in the examples that Jesus gave, there was still someone with power to invite someone else to a higher social position around the table, and someone else who had food and money that the hungry and the lame didn’t have.
I think the reading from Hebrews holds a clue on how to remove an imbalance of power, or at least minimize it, and avoid social positioning. The passage says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured.” The passage asks us to step into the life and situation of the person who is suffering or in a weaker position and experience what they are experiencing. We are called to empathy, to experience what the other person is experiencing. By doing so, we become as emotionally vulnerable as they are, but we can still help as an equal because we can do for them what someone did for us once, or we can help them in a way that we would want to be helped. This is summed up in one of our baptismal vows, “Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?” Help is no longer raising someone to a higher level, but instead recognizing ourselves and Christ in them, and humbly serving that holy presence as if it were Jesus standing in front of us. Help is showing love for ourselves by not having to rely on differences in social, economic, or political power to make ourselves feel worthy, or of worth. So, instead of inviting someone to a higher social position or sending them to a lower position, go sit with them where they are. Instead of inviting the hungry, the poor, and the lame to come into your comfortable home, offer them food and comfortable shelter where they are. There would be no disgrace, no promotion, no rules, no obligations, just God’s love shared between God’s children. At God’s table, there are no preferred or assigned seats, and all are welcome to sit wherever they please. We all receive God's love as we sit in God's presence, and that is what lifts us up, together.
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