Forgiveness, confrontation, and reconciliation when two or three are gathered
Sermon for Pentecost XV, 20203, delivered at St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Louisville, KY
Text: Matthew 18:15-20
If there is one thing that I have learned well during my time as a productive, contributing adult in our society, it is that when you have at least two or three people gathered together, for whatever reason, there will be politics. A leader will emerge, and as the group grows from two or three, an anti-leader may emerge to keep the leader in check and advance another operating philosophy of the group. This is not always a Good Thing, because where contrast and difference can be a productive influence, it can also be a destructive force. You can’t avoid politics and leadership, and how they are dealt with depends on the individual members and the reason for the group. So it isn’t too much of a surprise to have Jesus addressing this in the Gospel reading this morning. It’s one of the few passages where he is clear on what to do in a specific situation. The necessity of these instructions begs the question of why they are needed, what they imply, and where Jesus and God are present in the discord. People will be hurt by the actions of others in a group or by the group as a whole, but that does not always mean that the group itself is harmful. In fact, a healthy group can be torn apart by members who are unwilling to admit to hurtful actions or unwilling to resolve conflict.
Groups of people, like this congregation for instance, have some reason for them coming together, and from that reason a purpose or several purposes forms. Whether it’s prayer, or providing a service, or sharing a common interest, the more reasons and purposes there are, the stronger the group is and it becomes a community. The people in the community express a commitment, not unlike the commitment we have made to the newly baptized in this sanctuary recently. When the humility that Jesus teaches us is present in the members and especially the leaders, the group is strong and healthy. But when there is dissention, or unresolved disagreement, or harmful words or actions, politics rises, commitment diminishes, and humility itself is seen as a weakness. The purpose of the group changes to individuals collecting and exerting influence to gain power and become the center of the group.
We hear from Jesus that the first step in renewing commitment and restoring humility is a private conversation between the person who hurt, and the person who was hurt. If that doesn’t bring a resolution, then two or three others are brought in, and if there is still no resolution, then the entire community becomes involved. This is not an escalation of power to force the wrongdoer into submission. It is not us versus them. Might from either side absolutely does not make right. Rather, involving more and more of the community is to bear a deeper witness to what it means to live in a loving, just community that affirms the dignity of every member. The wrongdoer is not condemned but is instead invited into reconciliation, where they have the choice of taking responsibility for the hurt they have caused, or deciding that their commitment lies elsewhere. The community also has an invitation to reflect on where justice lies, and what it looks like, because it may not look like what the community and the members think it will look like. Jesus is not talking about exclusion, but how inclusion can continue in the face of sins and discord.
There is a hidden implication behind Jesus’ instructions on reconciliation, where something has to happen before the conversation about the fault, and that something is forgiveness. What may come to mind when I mention the word forgiveness is that it removes the responsibility of the person who did wrong, or it doesn’t condemn the hurt that they caused, or it condones their words and actions in some way. But this is not true. Forgiveness happens when the person who was hurt or wronged names out loud what happened and names the hurt that altered or ended the relationship they had with the wrongdoer. Then, most importantly, they leave that hurt in the past and no longer see themselves as someone who continues to be hurt. The wrongdoing, the hurt, the sin is left behind as a memory, and is not experienced as a current reality. This is not easy to do, because our injuries and the emotional scars that come with them become a part of our identity, part of who we are. It can be easier to remain a victim and tie yourself forever to who hurt you than it is to break away from what happened and take those uncomfortable steps toward becoming someone different that you didn’t intend to be.
Notice that forgiveness does not involve the wrongdoer at all, and it separates the past from the present. The past no longer dictates what happens in the present or will happen in the future. We are able to determine our present and future as we want them to be because we have been freed from the past by forgiving the actions of someone else. Unless we leave the sin, the harm, and the hurt in the past, and speak of it as a memory while living in the present, we can’t have that first conversation with the wrongdoer, one on one. We can’t confront them with their actions or words, and we can’t find true justice because we continue to live in the past, reliving the experience over and over. The reconciliation that Jesus talks about can’t happen unless forgiveness has happened first and we are no longer a victim. Now, I've been talking so far about forgiving others who have hurt us. We also need to be able to forgive ourselves, too, when we make mistakes, hurt others, or hurt ourselves, because we are human.
In the heat of the moment when we confront someone with hurt that they have caused, it is hard to imagine Jesus or God being present. Emotions run high, harsh words are spoken, and the peace of God that we strive for is lost. Yet, Jesus is present in the middle of it all when we are not at our best. God is present in the midst of strife. Jesus says he is present as we gather together to confront sin and wrongdoing in the community, or when we come together in prayer and worship. As we come together as a community, we come together as Christ’s body, and there he is present with us through the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness, confrontation, and reconciliation are all part of how the community as the body of Christ heals itself and looks to the Holy Spirit for guidance instead of looking to human emotions or politics. When two or three are gathered together, Jesus says he will be there among them. It doesn’t matter why, or who is right or wrong, or what needs to be done, God, though Jesus is always, always present, calling us to love one another as a community. This is summed up beautifully in the prayer of St. John Chrysostom said at the end of Morning and Evening Prayer:
Almighty God, you have given us grace at this time with one
accord to make our common supplication to you; and you
have promised through your well-beloved Son that when two
or three are gathered together in his Name you will be in the
midst of them: Fulfill now, O Lord, our desires and petitions
as may be best for us; granting us in this world knowledge of
your truth, and in the age to come life everlasting. Amen.
Groups of people, like this congregation for instance, have some reason for them coming together, and from that reason a purpose or several purposes forms. Whether it’s prayer, or providing a service, or sharing a common interest, the more reasons and purposes there are, the stronger the group is and it becomes a community. The people in the community express a commitment, not unlike the commitment we have made to the newly baptized in this sanctuary recently. When the humility that Jesus teaches us is present in the members and especially the leaders, the group is strong and healthy. But when there is dissention, or unresolved disagreement, or harmful words or actions, politics rises, commitment diminishes, and humility itself is seen as a weakness. The purpose of the group changes to individuals collecting and exerting influence to gain power and become the center of the group.
We hear from Jesus that the first step in renewing commitment and restoring humility is a private conversation between the person who hurt, and the person who was hurt. If that doesn’t bring a resolution, then two or three others are brought in, and if there is still no resolution, then the entire community becomes involved. This is not an escalation of power to force the wrongdoer into submission. It is not us versus them. Might from either side absolutely does not make right. Rather, involving more and more of the community is to bear a deeper witness to what it means to live in a loving, just community that affirms the dignity of every member. The wrongdoer is not condemned but is instead invited into reconciliation, where they have the choice of taking responsibility for the hurt they have caused, or deciding that their commitment lies elsewhere. The community also has an invitation to reflect on where justice lies, and what it looks like, because it may not look like what the community and the members think it will look like. Jesus is not talking about exclusion, but how inclusion can continue in the face of sins and discord.
There is a hidden implication behind Jesus’ instructions on reconciliation, where something has to happen before the conversation about the fault, and that something is forgiveness. What may come to mind when I mention the word forgiveness is that it removes the responsibility of the person who did wrong, or it doesn’t condemn the hurt that they caused, or it condones their words and actions in some way. But this is not true. Forgiveness happens when the person who was hurt or wronged names out loud what happened and names the hurt that altered or ended the relationship they had with the wrongdoer. Then, most importantly, they leave that hurt in the past and no longer see themselves as someone who continues to be hurt. The wrongdoing, the hurt, the sin is left behind as a memory, and is not experienced as a current reality. This is not easy to do, because our injuries and the emotional scars that come with them become a part of our identity, part of who we are. It can be easier to remain a victim and tie yourself forever to who hurt you than it is to break away from what happened and take those uncomfortable steps toward becoming someone different that you didn’t intend to be.
Notice that forgiveness does not involve the wrongdoer at all, and it separates the past from the present. The past no longer dictates what happens in the present or will happen in the future. We are able to determine our present and future as we want them to be because we have been freed from the past by forgiving the actions of someone else. Unless we leave the sin, the harm, and the hurt in the past, and speak of it as a memory while living in the present, we can’t have that first conversation with the wrongdoer, one on one. We can’t confront them with their actions or words, and we can’t find true justice because we continue to live in the past, reliving the experience over and over. The reconciliation that Jesus talks about can’t happen unless forgiveness has happened first and we are no longer a victim. Now, I've been talking so far about forgiving others who have hurt us. We also need to be able to forgive ourselves, too, when we make mistakes, hurt others, or hurt ourselves, because we are human.
In the heat of the moment when we confront someone with hurt that they have caused, it is hard to imagine Jesus or God being present. Emotions run high, harsh words are spoken, and the peace of God that we strive for is lost. Yet, Jesus is present in the middle of it all when we are not at our best. God is present in the midst of strife. Jesus says he is present as we gather together to confront sin and wrongdoing in the community, or when we come together in prayer and worship. As we come together as a community, we come together as Christ’s body, and there he is present with us through the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness, confrontation, and reconciliation are all part of how the community as the body of Christ heals itself and looks to the Holy Spirit for guidance instead of looking to human emotions or politics. When two or three are gathered together, Jesus says he will be there among them. It doesn’t matter why, or who is right or wrong, or what needs to be done, God, though Jesus is always, always present, calling us to love one another as a community. This is summed up beautifully in the prayer of St. John Chrysostom said at the end of Morning and Evening Prayer:
Almighty God, you have given us grace at this time with one
accord to make our common supplication to you; and you
have promised through your well-beloved Son that when two
or three are gathered together in his Name you will be in the
midst of them: Fulfill now, O Lord, our desires and petitions
as may be best for us; granting us in this world knowledge of
your truth, and in the age to come life everlasting. Amen.
Thanks for the great sermon.
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